The search for and lack of finding any doctor or clinic in my area that handles hrt is becoming increasingly disheartening. So far, I have managed to find a therapist that has experience working with lgbtq clients, but is not, strictly speaking, a gender therapist. 

I have read that many who go through hrt find a physician that is willing to administer and monitor hormone treatments, but who often has no prior experience in doing so. 

Honestly, that idea is so anxiety inducing, I can’t fully conceptualize it. The physical and emotional changes of what reads to be truly, a second puberty seems daunting enough without turning it into a first-time-for-everyone adventure.  

I feel like I’ve reached an impasse, made worse by each dead-end search. My upcoming trip home isn’t helping my spirits either. 

See, as a long story short, when I was 19, I moved several states away from where I was born and grew up, because the area became too expensive. I had lost my job, and was only a few months away from all encompasing homelessness rather than the partial homelessness I was experiencing at the time. My mother was unemployed too, and after a particularly nasty fight between her and my father, she too had nowhere to go. It made sense for the both of us to move somewhere together, where we could do things like live in a house and eat food. 

My then-boyfriend, now-husband moved with us as well. Being that a large part of his family still live in that area, we visit when we can.

The problem is, whenever we do visit, I don’t want to leave.

The move had been out of necessity, and since my mother passed away last year, being away from the place that feels most like home has been kind of unbearable. 

The long-functioning, well-reviewed trans health center in the area that provides low-cost, informed-consent hrt is doing nothing to diminish the longing to move home either. 

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